I’ve been telling a variation of this joke for years, only to discover that Ken Curtis did it better more than a half century earlier.
Tag: hilarity
As Opposed To?
To adjust the levels of sanctimony or passive aggression, try putting the emphasis on different words.
Just for Dogs
Kaine vs Allen Debates
I humbly offer former Governor Tim Kaine the following strategy to employ in his remaining debates with former Governor George Allen for the open Virginia U.S. Senate seat. I propose that Mr. Kaine responds to every single topic in this way:
ALLEN: I do not support the proposal to install tolls on the southern stretch of I-95. Southern Virginia already faces significant economic challenges and these tolls could disadvantage job-creating businesses in the region, and the hardworking Virginia families already suffering from skyrocketing fuel costs.
MODERATOR: Governor Kaine?
KAINE: Macaca. I cede the rest of my time.
I Am Such a Child
Although it makes not one bit of difference to anyone with widely available wardriving tools, as a matter of practice I do not broadcast my Wi-Fi network’s SSID. Recently, however, I decided to turn it up and present the neighborhood soccer moms and investment bankers with this one:
8===D
Victor Garber Has a Comedy Ear
Victor Garber is one of my favorite actors working. I’ve been following him for years, but (slow on the uptake, true to form) it was only last week when I noticed that he has a comedy ear. Now that I’ve noticed it, I can’t stop noticing it. Several years ago I was stung on the ear by a yellowjacket while mowing the lawn. For days afterward one of my ears was preposterously swollen, but it still registered only an embarassingly distant second to Mssr. Garber’s natural asymmetry. I’m not kidding, I’ve even picked up on the fact that DPs give it special consideration when lighting scenes.
Dude, ear.
Nerd Humor
Two Lines to Amuse Yourself When Stopped by the Local Constabulary
I spend a fair bit of time commuting (these days ~ 500 miles a week). During intervals of reflection, I sometimes think about what I will say to the fellow in uniform who will, eventually, pull me over.
Peace Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Oh good! You must have found my television.
(With thanks to the chaps of Top Gear)
Gendarme: Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: I open the bidding at 73!
If you deliver either of these lines with a big, friendly smile on your face, you might even avoid getting sodomized repeatedly with a plunger handle.
Yep, We’re a Data Company
The parking lot of the company I work for. Seeing this is a daily source of amusement.
Lizard
Source: Something of That Ilk
Oh, my.
Spotted on a co-worker’s desk.
If you, gentle reader, regard this image and say, “So? It’s a pen held upright by a magnetic base,” then, with my apologies, this post is not for you.
I’m Batman, Redux
Disclaimer: Not my idea, not my cat.