I spend a fair bit of time commuting (these days ~ 500 miles a week). During intervals of reflection, I sometimes think about what I will say to the fellow in uniform who will, eventually, pull me over.

Peace Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Oh good! You must have found my television.

(With thanks to the chaps of Top Gear)

Gendarme: Do you know how fast you were going?

Me: I open the bidding at 73!

If you deliver either of these lines with a big, friendly smile on your face, you might even avoid getting sodomized repeatedly with a plunger handle.