The Long Road Ahead

Posted on by mrpikes

I woke up on Wednesday, November 9th, 2016 and checked my feed to see if Hillary Clinton had been declared the winner yet. I remember feeling my stomach go sour in real time when I learned that Donald Trump had carried Michigan and Wisconsin, and won the whole shooting match.

For context, I was not excited for a Clinton presidency. The two-party primary system often produces two undesirable choices. 2016 featured (in the far corner) a seasoned senator and Secretary of State with tons of baggage and an irritating stage presence VERSUS (in this corner) a cartoon. I fully expected for the adult to win, and for the next four years to be a lot like the last four.

What does that mean? Deliberately blinkering present-day hindsight, I suppose I expected that national and global matters would continue to occupy a portion of my attention. I would agree or disagree with some of the administration’s policy objectives while investing the bulk of my attention on my job, marriage, friendships, and interests.

“Der mentsh trakht un got lakht.”

“Man plans and God laughs.”

—Yiddish adage

For the next four years what the United States and the world got was a feckless narcissist. Cynically held at arm’s length by the GOP, the Evangelicals, the Dominionists, and the Money, while their agendas were furthered. Cultishly adored by an assortment of bigots, temporarily embarrassed millionaires, Iron John throwbacks, and those simply lacking the imagination to do anything other than support the party they always had, while their wallets were lightened. Sanctimoniously mocked and vilified by lofty academics, celebrities with opinions, New Yorker-reading artisanal egg-eaters, and those on the Left who confuse the approbation of their individual identities with a political platform, while their positions were eroded.1

Behavior unbecoming a functioning adult, let alone the President of the United States of America, was modeled and normalized. Refugees were subjected to inhumane conditions, violence and hate were stoked and encouraged, a public health crisis was politicized and left unchecked, the media were declared the enemy, and an electorate was further polarized.

The last four years have been exhausting, and I think most people across the political spectrum nationally and internationally, whether willing to admit it, are looking forward to a breather before donning their armor and diving back into the fray. Go on, no matter what your politics, light some candles and have a soak. Breathe. Let your hands roam curiously.

The road ahead is long. I expect for the pandemic in the US to get much worse before it gets better. I expect this to be a significant driver of a global Depression that makes the 2008 financial crisis look like the teacups at Disney. I expect for the outgoing president to continue his screed of hate and division; a sad little king on a sad little hill.2 I suspect that some faction of Y’All Qaeda will get riled up enough to take a shot at President Biden or Vice President Harris. I hope they fail.

Coming from someone whose heart is allegedly filled with spiders, this may sound disconcertingly pollyannaish, but I suggest we find ways to lighten one another’s load. Whether your instinct is to gloat, rage, or clam up, please consider that most people have a lot on them right now, regardless of their politics or ideology. Consider seeking ways, no matter how small, to elevate each other. Please.

My doctor (the fellow I’ve seen for the last 30-odd years for annual physicals and the occasional STD) said something to me years ago that stuck. “Nothing is ever as bad or as good as it first seems. Now, drop your trousers and think of Christmas.”

It seems as good a mantra as any.

  1. Fun Time: Guess which of these cohorts best describes the author!↩

  2. River from Firefly↩

Dick Dynasty

Posted on by mrpikes

So today I learned that there is a wildly popular A&E reality television program called Duck Dynasty and that a principal member of its cast, Phil Robertson, was suspended indefinitely from the show for making bigoted comments about LGBT people in a GQ interview. One of the comments is that homosexual behavior is a gateway to bestiality.

As charming as that is, that’s not what this post is about.

What it is about is the insidious defense of these sorts of comments by the likes of Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal and former-something-yet-still-somehow-relevant Sarah Palin.

Bobby Jindal’s statement:

Phil Robertson and his family are great citizens of the State of Louisiana. The politically correct crowd is tolerant of all viewpoints, except those they disagree with. I don’t agree with quite a bit of stuff I read in magazine interviews or see on TV. In fact, come to think of it, I find a good bit of it offensive. But I also acknowledge that this is a free country and everyone is entitled to express their views. In fact, I remember when TV networks believed in the First Amendment. It is a messed up situation when Miley Cyrus gets a laugh, and Phil Robertson gets suspended.

From Sarah Palin’s Facebook page:

Free speech is an endangered species. Those ‘intolerants’ hatin’ and taking on the Duck Dynasty patriarch for voicing his personal opinion are taking on all of us.

I would really like to know how Ms. Palin characterizes the group she refers to as “us.” Probably, “You know, not ‘them’.”

Bobby Jindal attempts to put the vapid antics of Miley Cyrus on the same basis as hate speech because each is offensive to somebody (although the latter is often characterized not as hate speech but as “biblical views”), and both Jindal and Palin confuse freedom of speech with freedom from the consequences of that speech.

Defending Phil Robertson’s comments on the grounds of free speech appears to be part of a growing disingenuous and cynical agenda to place all statements of belief on an equal footing with respect to inclusion or tolerance. If you make “All people, regardless of sexual orientation, are entitled to equal protection under the law,” equivalent to “Homosexuality is a [sin|mental illness|abomination]. Oh, and everyone was happier before slavery was abolished,” then you can cry hypocrite when a person or organization reacts harshly to the latter while affirming the former.

The truth is that they are equivalent (in that they are both statements) and Americans citizens are completely free to say either, with as much amplification as they can muster.

So, Phil Robertson is free to utter whatever bigoted, ignorant, medieval hate beard thought comes into his head. A&E is also free to align itself with whatever set of values it chooses and to insist that those values are not contradicted by its employees in the public eye. If I write or state in a public venue that the managers of the company for whom I work are a bunch of unethical scumbags (which, guys, you’re tooootally not), my company is free and justified to fire me.

The First Amendment protects free speech from being abridged by the government. It does not protect me from being kicked in the balls after I advise my neighbor that his mother is a filthy whore (which she tooootally is).

Kaine vs Allen Debates

Posted on by mrpikes

I humbly offer former Governor Tim Kaine the following strategy to employ in his remaining debates with former Governor George Allen for the open Virginia U.S. Senate seat. I propose that Mr. Kaine responds to every single topic in this way:

ALLEN: I do not support the proposal to install tolls on the southern stretch of I-95. Southern Virginia already faces significant economic challenges and these tolls could disadvantage job-creating businesses in the region, and the hardworking Virginia families already suffering from skyrocketing fuel costs.

MODERATOR: Governor Kaine?

KAINE: Macaca. I cede the rest of my time.

NOO-klee-ur

Posted on by mrpikes 4 Comments

With the clown car of contenders for the 2008 presidential election emptying into the center ring, I’m keeping an ear out for how well each candidate pronounces “nuclear.” While its correct pronunciation will not be enough to secure my vote (there is still hair to consider, after all), I would be willing to turn a blind eye to a great deal from a candidate who plants that word on the mat ten times out of ten.

Candidate: My baby mulching program will break the cycle of poverty while simultaneously bolstering agriculture and our transition to biofuels, reducing our dependence on environmentally irresponsible energy sources such as fossil fuels and nuclear power.

Me: W00t! He said “nuclear!”

Am I setting the bar too goddamn high?