Wikihistory – A Short Story

A lot of people on the Internets are linking to this short story by Desmond Warzel. I normally don’t participate in the blog equivalent of email forwarding “Fw: Re: FW: FWD: This is really funny,” but as a regular lurker in forums (fora?), I have to say that this is, in fact, the funniest thing I’ve read in awhile.

My favorite excerpt:

At 02:29:49, SilverFox316 wrote:
PS to SneakyPete: your Hitler paintings aren’t worth anything, schmuck, since you probably brought them directly here from 1907, which means the paint’s still fresh. Freaking n00b.

Slashdot Tag Humor

I love Slashdot. They cover a lot of topics that interest me, and it is a rare occasion that I come away from reading the subscriber comments without additional knowledge or a perspective that I had not previously considered.

Slashdot has been beta testing a tagging feature (for some time now). This feature allows subscribers to submit keywords that describe what a given article is about. Given the nature of the sorts of people who comment on Slashdot, it was inevitable that tags would become an additional platform for expression, particularly humor.

Courtesy of a recent article regarding Google’s stance on the potential acquisition of Yahoo! by Microsoft, my new favorite company name:

yahooglesoft

A Sudden Outbreak of Common Sense

As my handful of readers are already aware, I have taken an interest in America’s voting process. I am an Officer of Elections (the fancy way of saying volunteer) in Henrico County, Virginia, and I actually just got a “promotion”, in that I will be our precinct’s Assistant Chief in the 2008 presidential primary. Last year I mailed a copy of Avi Rubin’s Brave New Ballot to each state’s Secretary of State, with some positive responses.

I am passionately opposed to direct-recording electronic (DRE) voting machines without a voter verified paper audit trail (VVPAT). Their inherent complexity is hugely disproportionate to the task at hand, and they just plain suck at fulfilling the fundamental requirements of an objectively verifiable, meaningful election. The brief explanation for how we got these damned things goes back to the goat rodeo that was Florida’s 2000 presidential election. In 2002, by way of response, Congress passed the Help America Vote Act (HAVA) which, among other things, provided billions of dollars for states to replace their punch card voting systems. Salivating like dingoes in a maternity ward, vendors like Diebold, ES&S, and Hart InterCivic then descended upon the states with their shiny solutions.

After the hue and cry from computer scientists like Avi Rubin and Ed Felten, numerous independent Red Team audits of these voting systems (for example), and some sobering failures in actual elections, it appears that a sea change has occurred with regard to the continued use of DREs. Florida (remember how all this started?), California, Colorado, Maryland and Ohio have enacted legislation within the last year to restrict or eliminate DREs altogether, returning to paper ballots and optical scanners. Other states (like Virginia) have opted for a phased approach, enacting legislation barring the purchase of any new DRE equipment. At this point, 40 of the 50 states either have a legal requirement for a VVPAT, or are currently considering legislation. The devil is always in the details (when he’s not hanging out at the bar I frequent), but I am highly encouraged by this turn of events.

The bad news is that states like Maryland will be spending (collectively) billions of dollars implementing replacement systems while still paying off the systems that they just scrapped. If I weren’t so cynical I might say something like, “Perhaps next time states will not turn so quickly to solutions involving expensive technologies whose development was unencumbered by standards or clear requirements, furnished by vendors who have no vested interest in the public good.”

*sigh*

Meaty Beaty Big and Bouncy

Having addressed all other weighty matters of state, the Virginia legislature is considering HB 1452, which reads as follows:

No person shall display upon or equip any motor vehicle with any object or device that depicts, represents, or resembles human genitalia, regardless of size or scale.

The good news is that cloacas are still okay:

newt cloaca

The legislation was proposed specifically to criminalize Truck Nutz (marginally NSFW) and the like, because, according to the bill’s sponsor (Lionell Spruill, Sr.), a constituent complained to him that his young daughter saw such an accessory, asked him what it was, and he was flummoxed for a response (incidentally, the correct answer is, “That’s how you spot a redneck, sweetie.”).

No word yet on whether or not these will get a pass:

calvin ford

Meanderthal

I’ve been trying to coin a term for this for years, only to find it perfectly defined on Urban Dictionary:

Meanderthal – People who wander around aimlessly and always seem to get in your way in stores and supermarkets, chatting on their cell phones and paying no attention to their surroundings.

I would have been here ten minutes earlier if I hadn’t been stuck behind that meanderthal.

Previously.

Coining a Joke

Yesterday I rolled $100 worth of household change while wearing nothing but a fez and formal shoes, drinking absinthe and listening to Rossini’s The Thieving Magpie full blast over and over again.

A friend asked me, “Why did you do that?”

My response: “Cuz that’s how I roll.”