You would think, given how much the US news media gasses on about crime — despite the sharp decline in actual crime in the last quarter century — that (alleged) top-tier journalists could get the basic terminology right.
Nope, just checked1. Every firearm is still an assault rifle (Fun Fact: not even the AR-15 is an assault rifle).
Here are two repeat offenders jamming in my high-capacity magazine recently.
Jail vs Prison
Jail and prison are not interchangeable terms. The distinction is fundamentally down to the length of the stay2. Jail is where you are held when awaiting trial or for misdemeanors with sentences of (typically) one year or less. They are run by municipal governments. Prisons, on the other hand, are for longer term incarceration (felonies), and they’re under the jurisdiction of the state or the feds. Jails are pretty much one-size-fits-all facilities whereas prisons come in a variety of flavors from Federal Tennis Prison to Supermax.
- Jail = Drunk Tank
- Prison = Making Girl Scout Cookies from Real Girl Scouts
So the next time a blow-dried talking head reports that some schmuck was sentenced to 20 year in jail, bask in the knowledge that he or she is an overpaid, professionally attractive, uneducated hack, and you are…likely not some of those things.
Rob vs Burgle
This should be easy to get right. The imagery evoked from the classic “cat burglar” trope — glass cutters, safe cracking, laser beams, Catherine Zeta-Jones’s ass — should be enough to associate burglary with a solo activity executed with stealth.
You would never pass a note stating “This is a burglary,” because there would be no one to pass that note to.
Robbery, on the other hand, is brutal and ugly. Not like Catherine Zeta-Jones’s ass at all. Robbery must involve taking something from a victim, by force or threat of force. You would never rob a house, because you cannot pistol whip a kitchen properly.
So, the next time before you open your fool mouth, simply close your eyes and picture the following:
- Burglary = Catherine Zeta-Jones’s Ass
- Robbery = Bruce Wayne’s Parents Brutally Gunned Down in a Gotham Alley
And, if the latter is arousing, you may be on the road to prison.
